The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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