Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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