using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
