Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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