it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
