i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
