it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
