Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
