I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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