There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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