brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
