there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
