sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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