Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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