He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
