we made out on top of his cat.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He better not be in your backpack
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
