First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
