Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
