stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
