so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
