i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
