Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
