College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
