I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
