I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
