i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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