I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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