Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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