It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
