Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
