you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
