I think I won the penis lottery.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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