Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
i believe in u and ur pee
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
