but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
