I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
