Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
