hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
