I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
