I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize