Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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