Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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