I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
