So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
