can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
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