I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
If I die, sorry about rent.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
