I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
