Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
