I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
