He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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