dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
