Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
