At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
