The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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