I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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