oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
