garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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