i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
