She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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