I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
how drunk are you?
Several
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
