I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
