I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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