I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
