Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
