I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize
