The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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