Your mouth is God's brothel.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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