she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
