Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
