I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
