he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
