It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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