God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
