2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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