i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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