Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
they're like a gay fantastic four
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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