after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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